| It's been a long time since I've come here to really talk about shit. Too bad I don't have any time, because I feel like actually putting pen to paper, as it were. This is never fucking easy, even when you've had months to prepare and be ready for it. I'm still miserable, and I don't know if I can afford to be miserable. I think a good part of me just refuses to accept that something so fucking stupid can actually ruin a relationship, I feel like I can just grab her and fucking shake her and shout sense into her. I want to just make her understand how unbelievably shitty her decision-making is. I'd much rather be dumped for another guy, or even a girl. I wouldn't be as hurt even if they're ugly and fat and as fucking low class white trash as some of the guys she knows. I got dumped for her fucking imaginary friend who tells her such pearls of wisdom as the world is only a few thousand years old and the bible is literal truth, even the parts about people living to 950 years old and Noah's flood, and Adam and Eve and all that nonsense. That isn't crazy, that's just stupid, and I can't stand stupid. Stupid in some shmuck I can ignore, but stupid in someone I love, I have to fix, I can't not, I literally HAVE to. I just thought that it could be done, that people might actually be reasonable if you just argued appropriately and showed them what's what. Maybe my feelings clouded my judgment, but I thought I could open eyes, not burn bridges. She's at least as unhappy as I am, and I'm fucking happy she is. Fuck her, if she's too god damn stupid to know how to have a fucking adult relationship and deal with adult thoughts, then she deserves to be fucking miserable. There are no words to describe how disgusted with myself I am for having those thoughts, nor for how confused it makes me to have them along side an undiminished love and attraction. Shit makes me hate everything. |
